CANNONBALL!

Seriously, if you’ve never seen Cannonball Run, you should.

Burt Reynolds, Jackie Chan, Sammy Davis Jr., Dean Martin, Terry Bradshaw, Dom DeLuise, Farrah Fawcett, Roger Moore, Adrienne Barbeau and JAMIE FARR (a fellow Toledoian) each get a laugh and also kick some ass in a fight with a biker gang lead by none other than Peter Fonda (yeah, Easy Rider himself). Oh yeah, there’s also an illegal cross-country car race that the above contestants participate in.

Look, if you trust me for any reason (whether you actually know me or have come to enjoy my goofy reviews on here), then just go rent this movie. You won’t regret it. And if you do? Well, I have nothing to say to you (unless you’re Em and I made you watch it in college and you hated it, we’re even for you making me watch Moulin Rouge).

Indy Jonesing

So, I’ve been on a bit of an Indiana Jones kick for the past few weeks. On Mother’s Day Spike (I think) was showing the movies in reverse order for some reason. I caught the beginning of Temple of Doom (my favorite as a kid), remembered how much I love these movies, so I tossed my DVD in the tray and watched it without commercials. Still gotta say that the dinner scene is still one of my all-time favorite scenes in movie history. What can I say, I guess I’m still just a kid at heart.

Watching the movie got me thinking about the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles TV show from the early ’90s. I never watched it when it was on, though I’m not sure why because I probably would have watched just to see the return of chilled monkey brains. Anyway, I added all the DVDs to my Blockbuster queue and have since watched the fist two. Well, the first one and a half.

To catch you up to speed, the show was conceived by George Lucas as a way to tell Indy’s history while also teaching kids about history, the world and all that jazz. It supposedly switches back and forth between a pre-teen Indy and a teenaged one, but the two episodes I saw focused on the younger version. At first I thought watching a kid get in trouble would get a little boring, but the first episode really grabbed my attention as young Indy’s dad takes him, his mother and Indy’s tutor across the world for various reasons. The second episode, however, lost my interest pretty quickly, even with the appearance of Teddy Roosevelt in Africa. It turned from an actual story into an animal film so quickly that the shock almost put me to sleep. Actually, it did put me to sleep. So, while I can’t judge the entire series yet, I’m thinking that I’ll probably like the adventures of the slightly older young Indiana Jones as opposed to the younger young Indiana Jones.

After all this, in preparation for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Em and I watched Last Crusade. I have said for years that Temple is my favorite, but I now have to give that designation to Crusade. It’s just got such a great mix of action and comedy that I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen the entire time. Unlike a lot of trilogies, though, I actually like all of the installments in the Indy series. Even with Star Wars, I don’t like watching New Hope all that much). So immediately after finishing Crusade yesterday, we checked show times and went out to see Crystal Skull. And you know what?

I liked it. I don’t want to get into the plot details too much, but i think a lot people out there need to remember that the previous three Indiana Jones installments have had two acts of God (one of which can be avoided by simply looking away) and one dude who can put his hand through your chest without killing you, take your heart out, again without killing you, show you your own heart and then lower you into a giant pit of fire and lava which finally kills you. So, lighten up people, these are fun, kinda goofy moves that don’t take place in our world, but still continue to wow audiences.

Over the past few days I realized what it is that really grabs me about the Indy movies. Sure, the action is great and the entertainment is top notch, but what really keeps bringing me back is the sense of exploration and discovery with the world around us that seems all but dead in the real world. It seems like every square inch of the Earth has been documented and the sands have given up all their secrets (even if they really haven’t). The Indy movies and TV show reignite that sense of wonder and exploration that I think lies within all of (or at least many of) us.

That being said, I’m off to watch Cannonball Run, so what do I know?

Iron Mongering Part 2: Extremis

Next up on the Iron Man review front, we have Warren Ellis and Adi Granov’s Extremis storyline which kicked off the fourth Iron Man ongoing series. Ellis took the opportunity to update Tony’s origin so that he was blown up in Afghanistan instead of Vietnam. There’s probably some other changes, but I’m not really sure. And, awwwwwwway we go:

Iron Man: Extremis (2005-2006)

Written by Warren Ellis
Drawn by Adi Granov
Featuring Iron Man, Mallen, Maya Hansen and Sal Kennedy

Unlike Demon in a Bottle, I’ve actually read Extremis before and liked it. When I read it originally, I had only read Heroes Reborn Iron Man (I’ll get to that in another post) and a few issues of the third volume. So, I remembered most of the beats and still enjoyed it, but definitely not as much as Demon in a Bottle. On a sunnier note, though, there are a number of scenes in this book that they seemed to take inspiration from in the film, which is a fun little game to play.

Speaking of influence on the movie, they couldn’t have picked a better artist to help design the movie armor than Adi Granov. His work on this book really jumps off the page. Sure there’s a few panels that seem a little static, but for the majority of the panels, Granov really brings Iron Man AND Tony Stark to life. While still on the topic of creators, I’ve read a number of different Ellis books, liked some, didn’t like others, so his name alone wasn’t the big draw for me.

Okay, so on to the story. We open in an abandoned slaughterhouse where two kids inject a third (Mallen) with what turns out to be Extremis (more on that later). It turns out that a doctor at Futurepharm allowed Extremis to get swiped, so he shoots himself in the head, leaving Dr. Hansen to deal with the authorities.

Meanwhile, Tony Stark tinkers away in his garage laboratory (an image of Stark that I really like to see, he is a super-genius after all) and then gets interviewed by a documentary maker, in a very similar fashion than the ambush by the sexy blond reporter lady in the movie. It’s a pretty great scene because it gives you a really good idea about who the man underneath the armor really is: one who feels responsible for creating weapons of destruction and wants to make right by the world. This goes on for a while, then we get a
snapshot of Mallen who looks like he’s covered in a cocoon of tar.

Then back to Tony who’s looking at his Iron Man armor, saying, “Hard to believe I used to be able to fit this into a briefcase.” He then goes on for a few pages, briefly recapping his origin and explaining why he’s Iron Man. It’s a bit on the nose, especially after reading through the scene with Tony and the documentary maker. Anyway, Iron Man launches into the sky and flies around, remembering meeting Dr. Hansen who then calls him. Weird, huh? She tells him about Extremis and he tells her he’ll be there ASAP.

On the way there, Tony has a video conference with his board of directors who are trying to convince him to step down from CEO to Chief Technologist, which he’s having none of, mostly because they want to get back into the weapons-making business and Tony won’t allow it. Also, they discuss a brand new Stark cell phone that sounds a lot like the iPhone. I remember when this project was first announced that Ellis said that, now that cell phones can do all this crazy stuff, that Iron Man needs an upgrade. It’s kinda awesome that Ellis was able to call the next step in cell phone technology.

So, Tony shows up at Futurepharm, talks to Maya, uses a satellite USB drive to upload the entire contents of the dead doctor’s hard drive to one of his computer techs and then heads off with Maya to meet up with Sal Kennedy to talk tech and the future while Mallen finally realizes what his powers can do and goes on a pretty awesome rampage. The juxtaposition of the scientists discussion of science and its place (along with theirs) in the world and what it means to be a genius against the misuse of science (Extremis) is a nice one, but it goes on for a bit too long, possibly. In my opinion, this whole six issue story could have been told in about four with little-to-no difference in quality.

Maya and Tony finally find out about the rampage and head back to Futurepharm on the plane, which gives Maya time to explain what the heck Extremis actually is. I’ll let her explain it to you (though in a condensed version): “Extremis is a super-soldier solution. It’s a bio-electronics package [that] hacks the body’s repair center [rewriting it]. In the first stage, the body becomes and open wound. The normal human blueprint is being replaced with the Extremis blueprint. For the next two or three days, the subject remains unconscious within a cocoon of scabs.” Get it? No? I’m not sure I do either, but I do like this brief call-out to the fact that this is all supposedly taking place in the Marvel Universe. It’s about the only one we get, but it’s a pretty good one. Basically, Extremis makes you awesome in just about every way, but how does it make you breath fire? Um…moving on.

Tony and Maya land, Tony heads to his hangar and talks to himself some more while Mallen remembers his redneck past, espcially the part where the fascist government (fascist because they didn’t want these guys running guns, the jerks!). Makes sense right? Why not. Well, it turns out that the psycho, probably redneck (that’s just what I’m picking up from this brief bit of dialog) apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as THIS seems to be the reason Mallen’s such a d-bag. Well, his reminiscing gets interrupted by Iron Man, who slices the van that Mallen’s being driven in in half. So, yeah, they fight and it’s cool. There’s even a scene that they seemingly borrowed for the movie where the bad guy holds up a car full of people to smash Iron Man with, but IM blasts them with his chest beam and then catches the car. The fight’s pretty brutal, with Mallen winning, but then running away, leaving Iron Man under a car.

All of which leads us to the big deal aspect of this whole story. A broken and bloody Iron Man gets taken back to Futurepharm where he reveals his ID to Maya and asks her to inject him with Extremis because he wants a better, thinner, quicker operating system to run the Iron Man suit. Maya, of course, initially refuses, but Tony reminds her that he’ll probably die without it, so she agrees. Tony makes his own alterations to Extremis (no fire breathing necessary) and then injects it, which leads to the re-telling of his origin. This time in Afghanistan, as I mentioned above. The Iron Man movie seems to have, again, used this origin as a blueprint for it’s action packed escape sequences and Granov seems to revel in making the clunky gray armor look both realistic and kind of terrifying.

After this flashback, Tony comes out of the scab cocoon and reveals that he programmed Extremis to hide the under sheath of his armor in his bones and that he can now also see through satellites, oh and open briefcases from a distance and put his armor on without touching anything. Again, I’m not all too sure how all this works. If Extremis is supposed to make a human as good as it can be, how does that relate to circuitry and technology? I’m not sure and it’s very possible that I completely missed something here, but I still buy it. Why not? These are comics after all and few heroes need an upgrade more than Iron Man (skate boots anyone?).

So, now we’re treated to an issue’s worth of fighting between Mallen and the brand new Iron Man (who doesn’t actually look all that different than he did in the first issue). It’s a great fight scene, one that, again gives us a look at who Tony really is. He admits to killing a number of people when he escaped in the original armor, something that I didn’t know. Iron Man even tells Mallen why he’s so scared of him: “You’re my nightmare: the version of me that couldn’t see the future.” This reads to me as Tony admitting his dilemma. He’s terrified of what technology can (and probably will) do to the world, but it’s the only thing he’s good at. He’s also cursed or blessed with the ability to see how things will play out, he’s always looking at the big picture, which means that he’s working on a level that most people probably can not understand (which explains his actions during Civil War).

In the end, Iron Man ends up killing Mallen and revealing that Maya helped release Extremis. THE END.

Like I said before, I would have been happy with this being a four issue series (maybe five). Unlike Demon in a Bottle, in which so many crazy things are going on, many of which don’t pertain to the main story on the surface (but, of course, ended up playing out later on), Extremis seems a little too focused. There isn’t a lot else going on besides the main story. And that’s not bad, it’s just not as interesting to me as a denser story.

I do wish that Extremis was better explained. Calling it a technological super soldier serum doesn’t really explain how Tony was able to use it with the armor or how Mallen was able to breath fire. Like I said above, though, I can dig it. But it does take away from the story, that such a big element isn’t made very clear, especially when there aren’t many subplots to get wrapped up in.

Also, I would have liked to see Iron Man find another way to stop Mallen besides killing him. I can understand him killing some people while escaping for his life, but one of the most brilliant men on the planet (possibly the universe?) SHOULD have been able to figure out a better way to stop him than cutting his head off. It also takes a potentially great arch-enemy for Iron Man of the table (well, until someone resurrects him).

Overall, Extremis is a pretty good read, looks beautiful, has some great fight scenes, establishes Tony Stark as a character and re-establishes his origin, but it doesn’t have the same sense of shared universe and history that Demon in a Bottle had. It also reads very much like a mini-series instead of the beginning of an ongoing. If it WAS a mini, I don’t think most of these things would bother me as much.

‘Point’ Taken: A Point Break Review

Woah. I think I fell in love with Point Break tonight. I’d heard about it over the years, am a big Swayze fan and have even seen the Mythbusters episode that talks about the parachuting scenes (I mean, a movie’s gotta be pretty rad if the Mythbusters take it on…or completely ridiculous). If nothing else, I now want to jump out of an airplane, rob a bank, surf and hang out with Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze and Lori Petty. Anyway, let’s jump into:

Point Break (1991)

Directed by Kathryn Bigelow
Written by Rick King & W. Peter Iliff
Starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey, Lori Petty, John C. McGinley, Anthony Kiedis & Tom Sizemore (for a second)

Okay, so I’ve gotten a few complaints (really, just from Em, but she’s the only one that I’ve heard from next to Ben and Rickey) that the reviews zoom in on the plot a bit too much, so I’m going to try and keep the summarizing up and the in-depth plot reviews down (we’ll see how that works out).

Here’s the basic plot, Keanu plays Johnny Utah, an FBI agent who recently transfered to the robbery unit in LA. His partner is Gary Busey who actually plays one of the less crazy dudes in the movie. They’re trying to bring down a group of bank robbers calling themselves the Ex Presidents (they put on president masks while pulling their jobs). Busey’s got this crazy idea that the robbers are actually surfers (apparently the other agents consider this a crackpot theory, it sounds like good detective work to me, but what do I know?). So, to try and figure out which gang of surfers knocks off banks only during the summer months, Utah goes undercover, gets Lori Petty to teach him to surf and ingratiates himself to a group of surfers including Swayze who plays Bodhi, the lead bank robber. They become friendly, which, of course leads to conflict, much of which takes place while skydiving.

I love this cast. I used to wonder whether Keanu got a bad wrap or if he was just really good at playing the roles he was given. Honestly, I’m still not sure what the deal with him is, but he has some of the most awesomely bad lines in action movie history in this flick (”You’re sayin’ the FBI’s gonna pay me to learn to surf?” “You’re cold because all of the blood is running out of your body Roach. You’re gonna be dead soon. I hope it was worth it.”). Any way you look at it he’s an incredibly entertaining actor, especially as a surfing FBI agent.

And who can deny Swayze’s awesomeness? Have you seen Road House? They even reference it here with a throwaway line mentioning a place called Patrick’s Road House. Nice touch, writers. Whether he’s talking about “feeling waves” or doing crazy ballet and dance moves after jumping out of a plane, this dude is just so freakin’ charismatic that you can’t help but buy into his “sticking it to the man” BS, even though, by the end of the movie, you realize he’s really just a stone-cold psycho with one thing in mind: getting to the 50 year storm.

Also, why isn’t Lori Petty in more stuff? She’s great in everything she does (League of their Own, Tank Girl, Livewire on Superman the Animated Series and even Free Willy). As usual, she has an innocence that really grabs me, even though she’s playing tough broad. Speaking of tough, Gary Busey kills it, as usual, but this time he’s a good guy. Not sure if I’ve ever seen him play a good guy in a movie (or real life), but it was a nice change that he pulled off with his usual crazy bravado.

Okay, so I clearly liked the cast, but I also dug the flick itself. Yeah, it’s about 2 hours, but I feel like there’s always something on screen that kept me interested. You’ve got car chases, foot chases, beach football, surfing, sky diving, sky diving without a parachute, Dakota shooting at the sky (thanks to Hot Fuzz for so eloquently showing me this scene already), bank robberies, masks, sex, a crazy surfer party and even a fight with a group of dudes that looked like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and turned out to actually feature Anthony Kiedis of RHCP (go figure).

And, even though Mythbusters told me that, not only couldn’t Johnny Utah jump out of a plane, grab onto Swayze, pull his shoot, hold on REAL tight and not die, but wouldn’t even be able to hold the mid-air conversations, I still loved the climactic scene. Dang that was just cool (I don’t think I can swear on here, so you’ll just have to deal with my lame swear fill-ins). I even thought Swayze was gonna get away in the end and would have been happy with the film ending in Mexico (like I said, he’s freakin’ charismatic), but the last few minutes in Australia give us a cathartic fight between our good guy and oh-so-likable bad guy resulting in his (maybe) death while surfing the biggest wave in 50 years.

If there’s one movie that I’d like to see continued in a comic, it’s this one. If IDW could do a serviceable job with Scarface (and I think they did, assuming you can get past the fact that Tony’s not dead), why not Point Break? What happens to Johnny after he tosses his badge in the ocean? Does Bodhi die? What happens to Lori Petty and Keanu’s relationship? How does jail treat Anthony Kiedis? Does John C. McGinley (Keanu and Busey’s superior) ever relax? What does Tom Sizemore’s DEA agent (IRONY!) do after Johnny accidentally ruins his bust? There’s so MANY questions. I’ll make this public offer, if writers Rick King & W. Peter Iliff don’t want to take a crack at it, I’m game. I’ve got this thing half-way plotted already and I only finished the movie 30 minutes ago. Your move, other guys!

Ele-Mental: A Fifth Element Review

A few weeks ago, I brought home a stack of movies from Wizard’s DVD closet. I was just looking for flicks that I hadn’t seen before and one of them was The Fifth Element, a movie I distinctly remember being interested in when it came out (I was 14 of the time), but just never saw for whatever reason. When I brought it home, my wife Emily seemed pretty excited, she remembered watching and liking (not loving) it. Well, the weather was pretty crummy on Sunday, so we stayed in and watched:

The Fifth Element (1997)

Written and Directed by Luc Besson
Starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Ian Holm, Gary Oldman, Chris Tucker and Luke Perry

Going in, I knew very little about The Fifth Element, so here’s the deal for those of you who haven’t seen it: there’s these lumbering mechanical armadillo turkey aliens called the Mondoshawan who kept stones representing the four elements (wind, earth, fire, water) on earth that are part of a super-weapon. An ancient line of priests kept the secrets of the stones for the day when this big crazy planet of death (called the Great Evil) would come. In 1914, they come back to Earth and take the stones back with them. 300 years in the future, the Great Evil is alive and kicking and the priest wants to get his hands on the stones. Too bad these shape-shifing aliens called the Mangalores blast the Mondoshawan ship carrying the stones out of the sky (well, space). To figure out what happened with the stones, some scientists clone the last surviving Mondoshawan hand from the ship into a woman, called Leeloo (Milla).

Okay, so those are the basics. Getting back to the beginning of the movie for a moment, I really like the design of the Mondoshawan. Personally, I’ve never seen an alien race that looks like this, so props to the design department for creating these guys. Speaking of the design details, fun note to comic fans, French artists Moebius and Jean-Claude Mézières had a hand in the overall design for The Fifth Element. Anyway, the Mondoshawan show up in 1914 to the shock of Luke Perry, playing an artist/assistant to an archaeologist. I never watched 90210 back when it was on (seriously, I’d tell you if I did), but I did find him very charming and convincing in a roll that I wish had somehow carried over into the future sequences (especially if he could have replaced the ridiculously annoying Chris Tucker character Ruby Rhod, but more on him later).

So the aliens come, grab their toys and leave a key with the secret priests, then head into space and we head 300 years to the future where we meet Korben Dallas (Willis) who has an apartment that would make Tim “The Toolman” Taylor proud. I’d like to see such space-saving furniture and appliances in the near future. Willis basically plays the same character he played for most of the ’90s: tough, rough around the edges, but, in the end, a good man. And I don’t mean that as a dig. I’ve got no problem with a guy doing what he does best, few people could pull it off like Willis. That being said, I’m glad to see him spreading out in the past decade.

Anyway, Dallas is a a former military man who now works as a cabby with plenty of points on his license. While we get introduced to Korben, the aforementioned Mondoshawan ship crashes and the scientist explains that their DNA is so highly complex and perfect, that a whole Mondoshawan can be cloned from a hand. They put the hand in a cool, tube-looking machine that, a few moments later, produces Milla in an awkward looking suit of white bandages. They go on about how she’s perfect, but I’m not as much of a Milla fan as, say, Diggnation’s Kevin Rose (my fellow podcast fans know what I’m talking about). So, Milla, who we eventually finds out is called Leeloo (and is also the fifth element), escapes from her creators, wrecking shop on a bunch of cops (who look like they borrowed their fashion sense from Judge Dredd and Flavor Flav) and leaping to her possible death.

Luckily for her, the future has flying cars (which, again, look awesome) and good dudes like Korben Dallas driving flying cabs because she smashes right through his roof, landing in the backseat. Korben contemplates turning her over, even letting the police connect their cars with a wire before rethinking things and speeding off in one of the coolest flying car chase scenes I’ve seen. We get our best look at the future society in these scenes, including the proliferation of McDonald’s (but, really, who’s shocked by this?) and a filthy underground that resembles many other future-based movies both before and after.

Leeloo eventually guides Dallas to Father Vito Cornelius (Holm), the current priest keeping the secrets of the Mondoshawan, who recognizes Leeloo because of her element tattoo (which must be part of her DNA I guess, like her crazy orange hair). Cornelius kicks Dallas out, who returns home to find out he got fired from his cab-driving job.

Meanwhile, the big bad guy, Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg (who sports a pretty annoying accent and haircut, but still makes a creepy villain) (Oldman) meets up with the Mangalores, offering them some pretty rad guns that shoot bullets, fire, ice, etc. in exchange for the case holding the four stones. Did I mention that if a bad guy assembles the stones around himself in the pyramid on Earth, he’ll get all kinds of powers? Okay, consider it mentioned. Zorg gets pretty peeved when it turns out that case they got from the crash is actually empty, a fact that Leeloo, whose back with the priest still, knows. Turns out they’re on a pleasure cruiser (in space) called Fhloston Paradise. Zorg blows up a number of the Mangalores before leaving.

The government (remember, Dallas used to be in some kind of military), rigs a contest that he wins to send him to Fhloston Paradise. I forget how they find out about it, but when they do, Zorg’s bug (an actual remote-controlled bug with a camera in the president’s command center) tips Zorg off. The Mangalores are also on the trail, using a mistaken identity, thinking it’s Dallas. There’s a somewhat confusing scene in which the military comes to tell Dallas about their plan, then Leeloo and the priest show up and finally the police. Korben hides the three military people in his refrigerator which sinks into the floor to reveal a shower. He then hides Leeloo in the shower and the priest on his hide-a-bed by the time the cops show up. Somehow they get mistaken that a neighbor is Dallas (I’m not really sure how this worked). Besson played this gag really well, using the apartment he already set up in a great, claustrophobic way that actually had me worried they he’d get caught and relived when he didn’t.

Cornelius grabs Dallas’ winning tickets to Fhloston Paradise and makes off with Leeloo, something that Dallas shortly realizes and heads to the spaceport, just barely making it in time to replace the priest’s assistant on the trip. Cornelius finds out about this and sneaks his way onto the spaceship. Oh, also, this is where the movie takes it’s (in my opinion) biggest misstep by introducing Ruby Rhod in the flesh.

I’m not really sure what his character’s supposed to be. He’s some kind of superstar radio DJ, but his continued stuttering and way-too-fast-and-high-pitched dialog drove me crazy. I was hoping the whole time he was on screen that a stray bullet would end my misery. Jar Jar Binks didn’t bother me this much. Seriously. I almost turned it off 10 minutes into his first real appearance, but I was intrigued enough to stick with it.

Now that all the players are on a pretty dangerous locale (the equivalent of a cruise ship floating through space) the action really starts to ramp up. Even while a tentacled blue alien called Diva sings in some pretty crazy tones. Leeloo rumbles with some of the Mangalores in the Diva’s room (she’s the one that has the stones on the ship, I shoulda mentioned that before), the Mangalores don’t like what’s going on, so they abandon their “covert” plan and just decide to take over the whole ship. One of them even kills the Diva, who explains to Dallas that the stones are inside her. We then get treated to a pretty gross, but cool scene of Dallas pulling the stones out of the hole in her torso. You know what would have made it cooler? No Ruby, who spends the rest of the movie being annoying right next to our hero. Jerk. I’d like to think that the Bruce Willis of Lucky Number Slevin or Sin City would just plug him, call it collateral damage and continue saving the universe.

Zorg’s also sneaking around. He gets his hands on the case that he thinks has the stones, seemingly kills Leeloo and then sets the ship to explode before taking off.

Zorg realizes he doesn’t have the stones so he returns to the ship, stopping his own destruct countdown, but Korben and crew are already on the run. Too bad for Zorg that a dying Mandalore sets off his own bomb that destroys the mostly-evacuated pleasure cruiser.

An interesting thing about The Fifth Element is that the bad guys don’t seem to know who Korben Dallas is (even though it turns out that he worked for Zorg’s company as a cab driver). It’s not like the Mangalores care who he is when they first get on the ship (only once he starts blasting the crap out of them while leaping through the air, does he become an annoyance), even though he’s in direct opposition to them. Also, he never meets Zorg in the film once, even though they’re supposedly the opposite numbers in the flick. It’s an element that I like which sets this movie apart from a lot of others which seem to think that the good guy and the bad guy HAVE to face off at some point, regardless of how cliched it might seem.

What we do get to see is a race-the-clock situation in which Korben, Leeloo (she’s beat up pretty bad, but not dead), Cornelius and Ruby (for some reason) race to the pyramid on Earth and try to figure out how to use the stones and Leeloo (she’s the fifth element by the way) to stop the Great Evil, which is racing towards Earth to destroy it. Due to some dumb luck (and sighing), the men figure out how to activate the four stones and Dallas figures out how to activate Leeloo (the fifth element appears to be love). Upon kissing, the stones shoot beams into her and she shoots a beam out at the Great Evil which explodes.

We end with the president showing up at the science lab that created Leeloo to congratulate the pair, but they’re having sex in the regeneration tube. Nice, Korben. I like the James Bond-like ending.

A few other thoughts. A friend told me he didn’t think the movie takes itself seriously as a sci-fi movie, but I don’ think that’s the case. To me, all the performances seem sincere, even the cursedly annoying Ruby. It does have a bit of a cartoony feel to it, especially with Willis in the lead, but it’s a fun kind of cartoon, one that I would gladly watch Saturday mornings. No, it’s definitely not Star Wars, but I don’t want another Star Wars, I’ve already got a bunch of those.

In the end, I’m glad I watched The Fifth Element, it proved an entertaining ride that was able to keep my waning attention. It was fun and like Em, I liked it, though I didn’t love it. I don’t think 14-year-old me would have felt cheated if I laid down money for this back ‘97.

The Incredible Wonder Woman

Like I said during my review of Demon in a Bottle, I didn’t really read a lot of older comics, especially pre-Crisis DC stuff. I used to feel like if it didn’t matter as far as continuity is concerned then why bother? I also assumed, wrongfully, that a lot of the books from back then were too corny to be read. I’ve been proven wrong plenty of times since getting to Wizard and having access to the library. So, with that in mind, I decided to give DC’s recent Diana Prince: Wonder Woman Volume 1 trade a whirl.

Diana Prince: Wonder Woman Volume 1 (1968-1969)

Written by Denny O’Neil and Mike Sekowsky
Drawn by Mike Sekowsky
Collects Wonder Woman Volume 1 #178-183

Okay, so, there’s no intro in this book to give any context as to what the heck was going on in Wonder Woman before the trade starts, so it’s a jump-in-the-pool-and-swim situation. Also, I read this book over a few weeks, picking it up and putting it down as other things came across my plate, so my memory might be a little fuzzy (well, fuzzier than usual).

We open with Wonder Woman’s love interest Steve Trevor getting picked up by the cops on murder charges. Like any good girlfriend, Wonder Woman sets out to find out what’s really going on, but thinks that rolling out as WW might be a little too obvious so she goes out as Diana Prince and gets herself some very mod clothes. And man, does Sekowsky revel in the psychedelic backgrounds and clothing, which unintentionally transport modern readers back to the time period this book was being created in (or at least what we like to think the ’60s were like). Diana/Wonder Woman figure out what’s really going on with Steve and everything’s okay.

Then in order to get Steve out of the way for some time, Steve Trevor gets sent out on a secret mission to infiltrate Doctor Cyber’s criminal ring that makes him look like traitor. In the same issue Diana gets word from her mother that the Greek gods are moving to another dimension to rest up. Diana agrees to stay in our dimension to continue helping mankind, a decision that strips her of all her powers.

It’s pretty crazy to think that they were trying things like this back in the day. We’re used to it by now, but can you imagine if they stripped Superman of his powers back then? From what I can remember, the ’60s were a pretty rough time for DC’s superhero comics (what with those upstart Marvel Comics coming out), so it seems like this was DC’s way of trying to keep readers who were into the martial arts and spy fiction of the time. I’d like to think that it’s the kind of book that would have sparked my interest if I was reading comics back then (I got into comics with the death of Superman, Batman getting his back broken, Wonder Woman becoming a red head and Green Lantern going crazy).

So, Diana Prince finds herself powerless on a world she still doesn’t quite understand, having to worry about things like food and rent. Luckily for her, an old blind Asian dude is getting accosted by some hoods right outside her new place, she jumps in to help him, but he proves a formidable foe and easily dispatches the criminals. The man’s name is Ching (sometimes called I Ching, though I’m not sure if that’s part of his actual name or just the way he talks) and he’s on Dr. Cyber’s tail too. By the way, yeah, Morrison recently brought Ching back in the Resurrection of Ra’s al Ghul. So in exchange for Diana’s help in tracking them down, he’ll train Diana in the martial arts in some really freakin’ cool splash pages.

Have I mentioned how much I like Sekowsky? I’d never heard of him before picking this trade up, but the artist turned writer (O’Neil left a little over half-way through the book) wowed me to the point where I’d give just about anything he drew a shot. And of course, Denny O’Neil is one of those incredibly prolific writers that I’ve read and enjoyed for years.

Back to the story, Ching and Diana spend a few more issues going back and forth with Doctor Cyber’s evil ladies, accompanied by Tim Trench for a while. Trench fills the roll of the hardned private dick who’s ready to help until something more profitable shows up. Again, I really enjoy the different genres that O’Neil and Sekowsky played with. The next guy that comes along ends up betraying Diana and Ching to Dr. Cyber, leading Diana to beat him within an inch of his life. For some reason, Cyber (who, by the way, is a woman, even though they assumed it was a man for the first few issues, I assume this was way more of shock back then) leaves her to beat on him.

Distraught, Diana runs out of the house. By this time Sekowsky was flying solo in the writing department and the combination of his words and pencils really reveal the betrayal that Diana feels as she collapses in the street from exhaustion only to be approached by an Amazon asking her to return with her to the Amazon’s new dimension. Diana agrees and brings Ching with her.

It turns out that Diana’s grandfather Ares wants Hippolyta’s secret of interdimensional travel which only she holds. Hippolyta refused, so Ares’ sister puts her in a coma after fighting the first battle in a war of the gods (no, not that one). The Amazons brought Diana back to fill her mother’s role as general of the Amazonian army, a roll which she fills with gusto, leading them into battle against Ares’ monster army.

But Diana and the Amazons realize they’re no match for the god’s armies. Diana comes up with a plan: to travel to the dimension of history’s heroes and ask them to come to the Amazon’s aid. The dimension-hopping Amazon takes her there only to find that the heroes are sick of fighting for no personal gain. Luckily the Valkyries offer to fight side by side with the Amazon’s against the hordes of Ares, even though they know they can not win. The combined forces do a serviceable job defending themselves, but still fight a losing battle, until the heroes eventually show up and turn the tide in their favor. With Diana’s mother restored, Ares admits his defeat and leaves the Amazons be, for now. In the end, Ching opts to stay with the Amazons for a while as Diana returns to her adoptive home.

Overall I really liked this book. It’s a great mix of genres with a number of rad stories, some fantastic art and a good balance of action and mythology that plenty of other Wonder Woman writers have aimed for and missed. By stripping Diana down to her bare bones, O’Neil and Sedowsky really showed me why Diana is a great character. My only problem with the story is that this strong woman who we’ve seen grow as a person, a fighter and a warrior needs a group of men riding in on their horses to save the day, even though I love the idea of a dimension filled with heroes (like a hero heaven). Maybe it’s just those women’s lit classes I took in college kicking in, but it does seem to take a little bit away from the story. I can’t wait for the next volume to hit shelves (and by shelves I mean the Wizard library).

Bullitt Time

As promised (way back in the first post), here’s my review of Bullitt.

Bullitt (1968)

Directed by Peter Yates
Written by Alan Trustman and Harry Kleiner
Starring: Steve McQueen, Robert Vaughn, Jacqueline Bisset, Robert Duvall and Norman Fell (Mr. Roper)

Okay, here’s the deal. I was really excited to check this movie out. I’ve never seen a movie that Steve McQueen starred in and I’ve heard a lot about the famous car chase, plus I like movies where the cop has to take matters into his own hands to deliver justice. Now, on the negative side, I’ve also found that my attention span has dwindled pretty significantly and I have trouble staying up past midnight (because somewhere along the line, I turned into an old lady). That being said, a movie really has to grab my attention first, so I won’t go off and look at something shiny and second, so that I don’t fall asleep and unfortunately Bullitt did neither.

About 10 minutes into my viewing experience, I was already turned off by the crummy sound, which is pretty funny considering it was nominated for Best Sound in 1969. The quality’s great, but it’s one of those movies where you have to turn the volume up to hear the dialog and then get your ears blown up by a sound effect or the background music (which was a pretty rad jazz soundtrack).

Anyway, a few minutes after that I realized how atmospheric this movie is. By that I mean there’s a lot of space, the shots don’t get right in on the action necessarily, the music is sparse and there just wasn’t a lot for me to stay focused on.

At some point, I got distracted by an IM conversation, then tried to go back a few chapters to figure out what was going on, quit and went to bed. So, on day two, I was determined to start over and watch this movie. No such luck. I got the basic concept (I think): McQueen plays Bullitt, a cop who’s assigned to get a witness to the court on time. There’s some static from this huge d-bag named Chaumers, but beyond that, I’m not so sure. (Side note, this may be the worst review of all time and for that I apologize).

I did find myself transfixed by Bullitt as an image on the screen. There wasn’t a single point that I wasn’t looking at him like a superhero. He would have made a great Captain America or even Batman back in the day. He’s surprisingly quiet, but there’s a sense of danger surrounding him, making me feel like he would kick some ass at any time, any place (just like Cap). As an added superhero bonus, we even get to see him putting his “costume” (the black turtleneck and holster) on and getting his gear together. I love scenes like that in comics and superhero and action movies.

Which brings us to the car chase, which did not disappoint. From what I’ve read, the chase was a pretty big deal back in the day, one of the first big, awesome chases. I also read that Steve McQueen leaned towards the window of the car while driving so people would know it’s him. How freakin’ cool is that? Anyway, there’s a sense of realism to the car chase that made me stop everything I was doing and just watch. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. It felt like I was watching a real car chase and, for whatever reason, I actually felt like something terrible could happen to Bullitt at any time. It’s a very visceral scene and I highly recommend at least checking IT out, if not the whole movie. After the chase is done, though, it got atmospheric again and I lost interest (and eventually fall asleep).

So, here’s why I don’t think I was able to get into Bullitt. First of all, and this is no fault of the movie’s, I feel like I’ve seen this movie a dozen times over and probably better done. I’m a big Dirty Harry fan, which came out after this and seems very influenced by Bullitt. But the simple fact that I saw it first means that it’s more in my headspace than Bullitt. Also, and again this is not the movie’s fault, but I was so looking forward to the chase scene that I just wanted to get there and skip the story. That one’s my bad, obviously. And finally, one of the aspects that I liked about the chase scene made the rest of the movie feel ultra slow and that’s the realism of it all. Unlike most action movies, I felt like this could all really happen, I mean, we’ve all seen car chases on Tru TV or Cops that look at awful lot like this one. But, the lack of more over-the-top moments made Bullitt feel a lot longer than it actually is.

To defend myself for just a moment, though, I do enjoy movies from this time period. I like seeing how things used to be a few decades back. Like the hospital scene was really interesting because it made me glad I wasn’t alive and sick in the late ’60s. I also like seeing San Francisco as the background. From what I read this was another first and influential element. This one just didn’t do it for me. But it didn’t turn me off from McQueen, I’ve got The Great Escape and The Getaway on my queue and will probably write them up whenever they come through. So, what do you think? I’m not sure how the comment section works, but if you E-mail me, I’ll post some of the messages on here and respond to them.

Also, get ready for another installment of Iron Mongering and a look back at The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles which I’m watching for the first time to get ready for Crystal Skull.

Iron Mongering Part 1: Demon in a Bottle

Like everyone else in the world, I really dug the Iron Man flick, but it got me thinking: What are some great Iron Man stories out there? Everyone’s always talking about Armor Wars and Demon in a Bottle, but I’ve run into some trouble getting into comics from back then, what with the huge text blocks and “I’m saying what I’m doing” dialog. So, I went up to Wizard’s comic library (a truly magical place) and grabbed a big stack of trades, old and newer, and will post my thoughts as I read through them. Huge spoilers ahead. Sorry about the smaller images below, I’m still trying to work this whole thing out.

First up, Demon in a Bottle (1979)

Collects: Iron Man #120-128
Written By: David Michelinie
Drawn By: John Romita Jr., Bob Layton & Carmine Infantino
Featuring: Iron Man, Namor, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Bethany Cabe, Jarvis, Captain America, The Avengers, Justin Hammer, a slew of villains and booze

First, a quick bit of background on my comic-reading past. I grew up a DC guy, so most of my Iron Man knowledge stemmed from the short-lived ’90s animated series, whatever random Marvel books I’d pick up from time to time and what I read in Wizard. Like everyone else, I’ve heard a lot about Demon in a Bottle, but never really took the chance to read it until now because I kind of figured I knew everything that happened and didn’t think I’d like it.

Well, I was wrong. Though the trade is a bit difficult to jump into (there’s characters I’m not familiar with and the book starts with the last 5 pages of issue #120), it didn’t bother me all that much because it reminded me of what it was like when I first started reading comics. I had no idea what was going on and loved trying to figure it out.

Keeping that in mind (and knowing that not everyone likes to read comics the way I do), I wanted to offer a little background info that might help new readers. Up to this point Bethany Cabe (first appearing a few issues earlier in IM #117) was a lady that Tony Stark was eying after his break-up with Madame Masque. At the time this book opens, he’s got no idea that she’s really a bodyguard for hire. Also, at this point in his history, the world doesn’t know that Tony Stark is Iron Man, they think Iron Man is Stark’s bodyguard. That should be about enough to get you through the trade until the big origin recap.

Like I mentioned, the book opens with the end of #120, showing us a battle between Iron Man and Namor. The ensuing fight with Roxxon Oil over a Vibranium-filled island is an interesting one, beautifully and crisply drawn by JRJR, but it doesn’t have a whole lot to do with the rest of the story. This brings up another aspect of the book I liked, it reminded me how comics used to be written. Nowadays we’re so used to six-issue arcs with set beginnings and endings that it can throw us off when we’re offered a glimpse of an older story like this. Michelinie wasn’t worrying about six issues here, he had a whole tapestry of stories and subplots weaving in and out of each other that probably started years earlier and went on for plenty after. Sure, the Namor section of the story isn’t necessary, but it does lead to Tony’s recollection of his origin and the eventual reveal that someone is messing with his armor.

I really thought that I would get bored with a 12-page recap of Iron Man’s origin, especially having just seen basically the same story on screen a week before, but Michelinie’s text boxes read like a novel and guest artist Infantino’s art on this issue really captures the drama and action of his origin. In the end, the story still feels fresh after almost 30 years.

As a bonus (for me at least), the origin story included two of my favorite visuals in fiction: a splash page that encapsulates a character’s costumes/history and a character wearing a trench coat even though it’s the most conspicuous fashion choice of all time (especially if you’re a dude walking around in a suit of armor).

Okay, so after ol’ Shell Head remembers how he became a man of armor (while flying his way home) something crazy happens: his suit malfunctions, sending him flying erratically through the skies, even through the offices at Marvel. As staffers huddle in fear one calls out “Gee, Jim [Shooter, EIC at the time], I uh, realize guest stars help sales–but in editorial meetings?!” There’s even a little sign on the wall that reads “Kill All Inkers” signed by Stan. It’s a great little in-joke for fans, the kind of thing I imagine Marvel did all the time back in the day.

Tony regains control and heads back to his lab where he tests out his armor in a pretty amazing sequence mixing elements of Kirby and Steranko drawn by JRJR, who absolutely kills his issues.

Finding nothing wrong, Tony heads to a casino with Bethany Cabe only to be interrupted by Blizzard (who comes in wearing a trench coat and a wide brim hat), Melter and Whiplash. Tony suits up and makes short work of the villains only to be chastised by Bethany for not guarding Stark.

Upon returning home, Tony gets a request for Iron Man to represent Stark International at a ceremony and meet with ambassador Kotznin to which Tony agrees. He then has a drink, tries to design some sciency stuff, gets fed up and suits up as Iron Man to patrol the area.

Later that night at the ceremony, everything seems to be going fine until the mystery villain works his technical mojo, causing Iron Man to blast a hole straight through the ambassador’s chest. Man, what a great scene. I remember this being referenced back when I read Avengers, but had no idea it was coming up and was blown away (like the ambassador, heh). Even today the murder of an innocent man at the hands of a hero strikes a chord. These are men and women who have sworn to help humanity often at the detriment of themselves and, when something like this happens, even if it’s not their fault, you just know that it leaves a hole inside of them that will take years to heal. Michelinie wasn’t pulling any punches and will continue to lay it on pretty thick for our armored hero, but never shows him completely beaten because this is the kind of guy who’s gonna keep fighting until his dying breath.

All of this leads into my personal favorite issue of this story, #125. The issue opens on a shadow-covered Iron Man, again drawn beautifully JRJR, contemplating all that’s just happened. He’s able to convince the cops to let him go as long as Stark brings the armor to them for safe keeping by telling him that the armor malfunctioned. Afterwards, Tony goes on a bit of a bender, looking a lot like the famous cover that this collection gets its name from. We then see Tony showing up at Avengers Mansion where he asks Captain America to give him some fight training, which is a great scene because Cap’s got no idea that Tony and Iron Man are one in the same. We’re treated to another fantastic montage scene (one that was referred to a year ago when Cap and Iron Man were having their troubles during Civil War). What I love about this scene, besides the art, is that it just makes sense. I’m a big fan of the idea that these characters don’t automatically know how to handle themselves. Even after being a superhero for years, Tony’s always relied on his suit to help him, but what he’s got coming up, an assault on the man he only knows as Hammer, will require his prowess, not Iron Man’s.

He also knows how to get help from his friends in the superhero community. Tony sets up a meeting with Scott Lang, the new Ant-Man, who then uses his shrinking abilities to visit Whiplash in jail and get more information on Hammer. I don’t mean to keep gushing about this issue, but I love the sense of this being a shared universe that you get just by reading this one comic. Not only do you have the Avengers seeing the news of Iron Man’s accidental murder, but Tony training with Cap and getting help from Scott. These are the kinds of stories that make reading comics in a shared universe fun.

I also love stories in which the hero has to operate in his civilian identity, but is still a badass. Ed Brubaker did a great job with this in his first year on Daredevil, starting with Matt Murdoch in prison and then sending him to Europe. In this issue we’re treated to Tony Stark playing James Bond and not just in the bedroom. Tony follows up on the info he got from Scott and heads to Monaco with his buddy James Rhodes at his side and flying his plane.

Tony and Rhodey go on to run across some hoods that they, at first, easily dispatch, but end up with Rhodey unconscious on a beach and Tony in the clutches of Justin Hammer, the man who’s been screwing with Tony this whole time. But who is this guy? Well…no one, kinda. I mean, he’s a pretty big deal rich dude, but he’s the kind of villain that’s been waiting in the wings for his moment to attack. Kind of like what’s happening with Morrison’s current Batman run (maybe).

So, now that Tony’s in his enemy’s clutches, what happens next? Tony pulls some more James Bond-like maneuvers (electrocuting his guard and using a grappling hook belt he got from Scott Lang) to get his armor back, just in time for Hammer to unleash a legion of super-villains like the Constrictor, the Beetle, Porcupine, Discus, Stiletto, Leap-Frog, Man-Killer and more. Iron Man rumbles pretty mercilessly, but awesomely, with the villains, then goes after Hammer himself (did I mention they’re on a big boat-like island?), who’s escaped, leaving Tony to return home, get skunky drunk, snap at Jarvis and receive Jarvis’ resignation the next day.

All of which leads us to the issue you’ve seen the cover of a hundred times, but (if you’re like me) never actually read. Yup, the famous “Demon in a Bottle” Tony-looks-like-hell cover.

I gotta say, this is my least favorite of the issues. Not because it’s a poorly written or drawn, but because it just seems a little too cut and dry. Sure, plenty of writers have gone back to this aspect of Tony’s personality, but this issue really seems to steam through his ordeal with booze. Even the emotional and heartbreaking scene with a drunken Iron Man crashing through his office window, things just go by too fast for me. It turns out that Bethany had a husband who was addicted to drugs and doesn’t want to see the same thing happen to Tony, so she helps him through his withdrawal (again, drawn in agonizing detail by JRJR). Our hero also patches things up with Jarvis, finding out that the faithful butler’s mother is sick and to help offset the costs, Jarvis sold his shares (there’s a subplot running throughout the whole story that S.H.I.E.L.D. wants to buy a controlling interest in his company). Tony tells his long-time friend that he’ll pay for everything and goes on to deal with the rest of his life, including a battle with self-control over a bottle of booze that he wins. End of story.

Okay, I don’t want to end on such a downer note. Again, I really liked this book and think that, given an even bigger trade that shows more of Tony’s battle with his new found bottle demons, I wouldn’t feel the way I do. Jeez, this was a really long post. Too long? Let me know.

Welcome to the Funhouse

Hey Gang, welcome to my little corner of the internet. First, an introduction. My name’s TJ Dietsch. I’m the Associate Editor for ToyFare magazine. I started my Wizard career a few years ago as an intern while I was going to school at Ohio Wesleyan University. After graduating I stewed in my hometown of Toledo, Ohio for a few months before scoring a job in the busiest place at Wizard, the Research Department. A few years ago, I got married and now live with my wife Emily and our cat Milo in New York’s Orange County.

Okay, enough about me. The purpose of this here blog is to throw the spotlight on some of the older movies, comics, TV shows, cartoons, toys, video games, music, books and just about anything else that made life interesting. And not just things from my childhood, but going back as far as I can. Sometimes you’ll see reviews of my first viewing of Bullit (I’m watching it as I type), whatever comics I grab from the quarter bin (Blood Pack review coming soon) and just about anything else that grabs my attention (or grabbed my attention in the past) long enough to write a post about. Now, I don’t want you thinking that this is one of those blogs where I complain about how great things used to be. I’m also a fan of modern pop culture and will probably throw in a review or commentary about those things every now and then, but this whole site is basically dedicated to the up-to-the-minute news, so I figured you could use a place to come in, relax and read about whatever I happen to be thinking about that day.

So, be on the look out for frequent updates, I’ll do my best to write-up anything I come across, but also be sure to let me know how you like the blog so far by dropping me an E-mail with KIOS in the subject.